Monday, February 2, 2009

unicorns: the truth

Well, everyone here know the truth about unicorns, right? We all know that they all live in those mountains in Japan, where they train to be the trusty steeds of ninjas. But did you know that the only way to kill them is with a unicorn horn spear (now just $99.95!!!)? Once every year, Unicorns migrate to Siberia, for the annual culling fest. You see, Unicorns live everywhere, but they spend the majority of their lives serving ninjas. After 20 years of service, they are free to go, and most go to New York. Any way, at these culling fests, they take the younglings (2 yrs+ in age) and they shed their horns. Most of the time, they shed them in ravines, and then crap over them so that magical marijuana plants can grow over them. (During these cull-fests, they tend to chew on the leaves and talk about their adventures). But, if you’re lucky enough to find them while they’re shedding, and scare them away, (the only way to scare these battle hardened beasts is to play Hannah Montana on a boom box), than the horns are yours to keep! (Keep in mind that if you turn it off, and THEN take the horns, they will comeback and impale and trample you). But it’s safer to buy from a known and professional horn ‘collector’.

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